Mental Health Needs a New Approach.

It takes a lot of trip ups in leadership & a lot of appeasing , before you gain this perspective, but I’ve learned how important it is to work through.

I’m using my career as the backdrop here, but this goes for family dynamics, team sports dynamics, board of directors dynamics, & any place where humans are in a group relationship w each other:

Early on in managing staffs, having a people pleasure background, I thought the path toward harmonious teams - was to recruit good people, look for high character & strong values, & then make sure the little sparks that arose didn’t turn into fires. When someone was upset, I wanted to hear abt it - the issue however, was in the way I wanted to handle that person being upset - appeasing & making things go away, as opposed to encouraging an atmosphere of working thru the the messy parts, together.

You actually don’t know someone until things go wrong. How do they react? What do they do to communicate? Do they take the concerns of others in mind.

But when you’re a leader & you appease & make things go away w policy, you never work on the messy part. People don’t feel need. Silent resentment & distrust, & fear, build.

I’m working w an amazing group of humans now, who remind me of this reality every day. We agree on most things, but not all. We are arnd each other A LOT…so we’re gonna get on each other’s nerves. But, when you foster a dynamics where ppl CAN be upset, voice objections, & STILL know they have a seat at the table (bc disagreements are to be expected) you grow that much closer.

This - building connection thru working thru conflict openly, should be what we aim for in families too. But sadly, too often we default to appeasement before the real change/magic happens. It’s ugly at first, but worth building that kinda culture.

#SameHere🤙 #5in5 #groupdynamics #conflictresolution #appease #mentalheallth

The shocking news came out late on Tuesday, the 17th, that Celeb Chef Anne Burrell had passed away. She was only 55.

Burrell gained fame thru her appearances on Food Network shows like *Secrets of a Restaurant Chef*, *Worst Cooks in America*, & *Iron Chef America*. Her distinctive personality, culinary expertise, & spiky blonde hair made her a recognizable figure in the culinary world.

I saw the reporting on it. Early - (Wednesday morn) I saw articles (like the one in the 2nd slide ➡️from People) & tweets, where the insinuation was, at only 55, this had to be a suicide. Now, in fairness to the People article, the word “suicide” was not mentioned. However - the key is the insinuation: look at the verbiage. “Was in great spirits…Was so happy.” What are we to believe this is in reference to, if NOT insulating suicide?

You don’t talk about a young person’s night before & their “happiness” if you aren’t leading the reader to believe that passing came from an underlying unhappiness.

But then, so shortly after (Wednesday afternoon), news surfaced, of cardiac arrest. A 911 call. Leaked information. Not a suicide.

In fairness, more may come out. We still don’t know “the” cause. But the chronology of the reporting here & what HAS come out, underscores one of the biggest issues in this space: by NOT reporting on cause of death when there is a suicide or overdose of a public figure (as the standard “best practice”) in most/all cases like this one, w/o greater information released, the ASSUMPTION related to the secret, is that suicide or overdose was at play.

Who then are we protecting; by not reporting on suicide & overdose right away, when we do lose folks that way? The answer is: no one. Not the deceased, not the family. And as you can see in the chat response w AI ➡️ (3rd slide) the secrecy around reporting is hurting the convo, not helping.

#SameHere🤙 #5in5 #anneburrell #chef #celebritychef #foodnetwork #suicideprevention #honestreporting #mentalhealth

File this under another topic of: “Things they don’t prepare you for when you’re a kid.”

I think abt this topic a lot. Some context…& maybe I’m diff than the norm in this way but - I loved my freshman yr of college. A big reason? I loved the Juniors/Seniors who had rushed us, to join their fraternity. Then, the next yr, when the Seniors graduated, things just didn’t feel the same. Yes, we’d rush a whole new group of incoming freshmen, but I missed the guys older than me.

Many of them are still friends, after all these yrs. And for that, I am truly grateful. But many - I’ve not heard from…& yes that’s life. But there was no formal “falling out.” Life just - life’d.

And as someone who’s made friends at diff stages in life - elementary school, middle & HS, college, & then at diff stops in diff cities throughout the US working in sports, I’ve maintained a good number of relationships…& yet others, not so much.

And you just don’t know why. On my end, there was no bad blood. Nothing they did to upset me. I THINK I tried to stay in touch. At least reach out on important days like bdays. But then you just stop hearing.

Another piece of this, still being a single guy w/o kids, you see how much friends have responsibilities as spouses & parents. And so there’s sensitivities I (or someone like me) need to have, that those friends may be so busy w their fams.

The flip side argument to that is - how hard is it to send a text? To check in? To once a yr want to get together just to catch up? Even just to FaceTime if there’s distance?

And the weird thing is, as shared in these slides - you don’t know why the fall-off happened. You don’t remember an event or incident.

Do you rub them the wrong way? Their spouse maybe? Do they just not have time for you? Were you just convenient at that pt in your life when they needed a friend, but now in a relationship w someone else, your attn is not needed? Is jealousy involved? Is openness or shyness & the diff of how you communicate a part of what makes them not comfortable arnd you?

Part of me wishes there was a stamp you could send (Cont in comments👇)

#SameHere🤙#5in5 #friendships #fallout #lostfriends #reconnect

I wanted to start by saying: Happy Father’s Day. This day comes with so many complexities because relationships are messy. I tried to address many of them in these slides (so shorter caption today).

I also want to acknowledge that many kids (still young now, or adult kids) were caused a lot of pain by their dads. That said, I don’t think the path to heal is to do what we see online w “influencers” pointing fingers w catchy pop psych buzz terms.

Whatever little space you have in your heart to thank your dad today - even if they were absent & taught you what NOT to do as a person or parent - see if you can send that gratitude today, instead of being motivated into blame & name calling by other accounts.

There’s way too much negativity online - and it’s often at the benefit of those creating shareable content to build their followings, instead of for healing for the collective.

Hope you can celebrate, just “as much as you can,” today.

#SameHere🤙 #5in5 #FathersDay #FathersDay2025 #relationships #blame #tryyourbest #mentalhealth

Heard this at a graduation speech - from a 17 year old in HS!!

It was advice his grandfather had given him. Advice about the duality of life. Pretty incredible when you see those opposite words next to each other, & realize that they each have the same number of letters. Makes you understand just what a fine line there is between each.

Sometimes we can choose one vs the other…and sometimes based on what life hands us, that perspective seems near impossible.

In the case of this particular grandfather, it sounds like he was able to choose to at least focus, for much of his life, on the positive. It was the advice he gave his grandson when he asked: “How have you been so successful your whole life and accomplished so much?”

And the grandfather imparted that knowledge on a grandchild who (from the clip of the speech) adored him.

This speech was shared one year after that grandfather had passed: to suicide.

And I thought about it - he taught such an important lesson about duality w his words, to his grandson, & then his life, & how it ended, also shows duality…That someone can choose positivity in most cases…can impart that wisdom on others…and yet we can still lose them in this way.

And sadly as humans we have to accept that. But we have to learn from it…bc suicide is most often NOT a rational choice or decision. It’s a breakdown of our health, just like a heart attack or stroke. The sooner we accept that as a society, the sooner we will increase help seeking behaviors, & the sooner we will make a dent in those suicide & overdose numbers.

#SameHere🤙 #5in5 #duality #grandfather #grandson #grandparents #relationships #suicideprevention

Even if we’ve been on long healing journeys - this is a path we personally know all too well…& it’s a path we see in loved ones & friends we get frustrated with, when we want them to change so badly.

When we’re caught in the thick of things, however, it’s hard to take a step back & see the bigger picture.

Our nervous systems are wired for safety, because it’s what keeps us alive. But safety often means staying w a pattern or action or behavior or routine that’s familiar - even if it may not be what’s best for us.

Here are some examples:

- The person who busies themselves w work all day, non stop - first in the office/last out, until they come home & pass out & do it all over again in the morn.

- The person who goes to the gym & does the same routine - & feels like they can’t miss a day of “what has worked.”

- The person who stays in a toxic relationship & keeps going back to that same partner you know isn’t good for them.

Just three examples, but they all have a common theme - staying w the pain the person knows, for fear of what different pain might feel like.

The person who’s constantly working may be afraid to slow down & be still bc it means listening to the thoughts that arise in their head/sensations in their body (feels scary). The person w the same gym routine is afraid their weight will fluctuate w any change to the familiar pattern (feels scary). The person in the toxic relationship is afraid they won’t find someone else, if they leave (feels scary).

For you, for your fam member or friend - growth happens when we break that addictive cycle to our own familiar pain.

It’s so worth it to step out & try. But it’s so hard to do.

One piece of advice in helping others: no one’s willing to try when you point this out to them in a way that shows your frustration w them. It only works when you can walk them thru the explanation as to what they may be missing out on, tell them you’ll be there to hold their hand through it, & explain what benefits will comes when they make it to “the other side.”

#SameHere🤙 #5in5 #familiarpain #pain #emotionalpain #addiction #breakfree #cyclebreaker #nervoussystem