Mental Health Needs a New Approach.

If you’ve been following along in Stories, you’ve seen that I’ve been on this kick lately, upset at what I’m seeing w so many “influencers” who’ve been drawing ppl in w emotional posts abt “what others did to you that now makes you feel this way”…& then why their program’s gonna fix you.

I put up a poll abt this in Stories the last 24hrs. Over 100 voted!! 98% said you recognize this grift going on (slide➡️).

But here’s the thing - as I was taking the train home from the Knicks game last nt, the “pattern” I’ve been seeing hit me (yes it’s ridic I wasn’t just celebrating a W, but my mind can wanders at strange times 😂).

Ok, so - this term trauma has been popularized in the last few yrs. We’re at the pt where ppl realize that trauma doesn’t just happen to folks in the military, & doesn’t need to be a catastrophic event. These are all good/impt realizations. They help normalize the #5in5 reality, that at various times in our lives - we all go thru “it.” And “it” is impacted MH.

That said, I realized last nt that the vagueness of trauma is being used AGAINST so many of us. How?

We all feel emotional pain. We 1) all want an explanation for why & 2) all want it to go away.

Here’s the thing tho - if folks online w huge accts can tell you that your pain is BECAUSE OF this person/these ppl,l - you have someone to blame. You have your explanation. You can vent & be upset w them & it feels good to let that out.

BUT, we get addicted to that surge of venting & blame. AND it explains “why” we feel like we do, & gives us an out from the work, bc: well they did this TO us.

But trauma is what happens IN the body. Only we can work on & heal that, & that healing takes just that - work.

Most who’ve been thru therapy/done work, get this concept. But think abt how many out there (consider only 10% go to therapy), see these msgs & believe - ok this influencer’s telling my that this person in my life is THE reason I feel like this…& then either coast on that addiction to blame & vent & come back to the page to feel that surge/vent w others. Or, get sold on a fix.

Yes you need tools, but you don’t need your focus to be on who did anything TO you.

#SameHere🤙 #trauma

It’s Mother’s Day, & with all the mom bashing we see from influencers online, daily…sadly, yes - daily, here’s a different perspective.

Not a long caption, bc hopefully the sentiments are captured in the slides. No mom is/was perfect. We can’t even say every mom tried their hardest to be the best mom they could.

But, we can have compassion for moms & all they must go through. All they carry (literally & figuratively). All the traumas from their lives that (especially for the generation that’s now moms & grandmas) weren’t understood, didn’t have a game plan, & therapy wasn’t normalized, etc.

We don’t need to forgive all the wrongs. But at the same time, we don’t need to live being told by influencers how awful our moms were, & that their classes or courses or strategies will save the day.

Sometimes having compassion for those in our lives who struggled - even if the struggle was unfairly projected - is the way we take back power & heal.

#SameHere🤙 #5in5 #happymothersday #mothersday #mothersday2025 #mentalhealth #compassion #empathy #learn

Short caption today, bc what needs to be said is in the slides. We need change in this space. The same old-same old, is not working. And, influencers & companies are getting rich, while so many continue to suffer.

Some examples as to what we can change, & why➡️.

#SameHere🤙 #5in5 #Campaigns #mentalhealthawarenessmonth #mhawareness #mhawarenessmonth #influencerculture #statistics #mentalhealth #movements #changeneeded #changeisneeded #changeisnow

This past wk we had an awesome pregame discussion abt bullying at Citi Field w the Mets, & 4,500 of their closest school friends - students/teachers/parents.

The Mets have been great partners at bringing impt convos to the community. You’ll see a pic of when we first started working w them in their offices➡️ & they wanted to be trained in how to talk abt this topic w care. They walk the walk in terms of the programming being impactful.

For this particular event, since it was sold as a convo abt bullying, a few things to note:

1) We did not call it “Anti-Bullying” or “Say No To Bullying.” In the spirit of not wanting to “other,” we went a diff direction bc those campaigns put us on sides & point fingers at those who we are saying are “wrong.” Instead, our message was abt inclusion & what we can get to know abt each other. Why people project pain on to others thru bullying.

2) We brought our good friend, pro boxer @boydmelson out, to share his insights. When kids see public figures who’ve achieved great heights, talking abt their own experiences, they’re more likely to relate - that this topic applies to ALL of us, #5in5.

3) We went deep & discussed Jarren Duran…his share abt his struggles bc of what fans were saying to him AND the most recent incident in Cleveland where a fan actually bullied him abt his openness abt his suicide attempt.

What blew us away is that - the Mets folks told us that the DBacks players who were warming up in left field by us, stopped when they heard that convo, & came over to listen. They said the players were nodding along as we were talking abt what they face as well - no matter how much $ they make. That gave us goosebumps.

Got to bring my dad, a kidney donor, & intro him to the crowd - you’ll see a pic of us on the field➡️. Finally, 1st inning, 2 security guards came to our seats. We thought to check our tix. Instead held out their hands & said: “Thank you for that convo, it deeply resonated.”

We can stop bullying by coming together, educating, sharing pain…instead of just trying to stop it punitively, alone.

#SameHere🤙 #mets #citifield #jarrenduran #bullying #cyberbullying #bullyingprevention

This story, which came out just a few days ago, abt social media “influencer” Misha Agarwal - both shocked me, & then also sadly didn’t surprise me at all, as I thought more abt it. Obviously an awful tragedy where we support the Agarwal fam, & then one where we’re thankful also to them for gifting us the story, so that it can be learned from.

Some bkgrnd & key takeaways:

Mukta, Misha’s older sister, shared that Misha was fixated on reaching 1 Mill followers on IG & had also set it as her phone’s wallpaper. “She built her world around Instagram & her followers…When her followers started decreasing, she became distraught & felt worthless.”

Muktka continued: “She would often hug me crying, saying, what will I do if my followers decrease? My career will be over.”

However in “real” life, Misha had a law degree & was preparing for judicial examinations!! Mukta pleaded w her sister: “I told her she would become a judge one day & didn’t need to worry about his followers.”

What has society turned into - that a young woman w a law degree, on her way to being a judge at only 24, thinks her life is over bc her social following has decreased/wont hit some made-up goal?!

Real talk: Having higher numbers feels good. Whatever your goal on here. For us, it’s to help more people. BUT we have also seen the way these channels can CHOOSE to CRUSH your reach, w almost nothing to do w your content & everything to do w what they think drives emotion/online sales, to benefit THEM.

Social media numbers are driven by how many your post is SHOWN to, not necessarily how valuable the info is, or how nice your dress is/isnt.

It is a TOOL to communicate, it is NOT the world itself. In our case - if we want to impact folks, truly, it’s why we’re on the road so often, in-person. These numbers say NOTHING abt the worth we bring to the world.

Don’t let these things define you. It’s a nice to have, not a need to have. Your value comes in how you are of service to others, NOT what these dashboards say. We have to instill this in kids (& yes, even many adults). You’re not a number.

#MishaAgarwal #SameHere🤙 #5in5 #suicideprevention #numbersdontmatter #youreworthit #mentalhealth #reallife

Mental health for way too long has been treated like an after thought….like it comes after all the other forms of health that are “more visible & more vital.”

I respect that we have a #mentalhealthawarenessmonth but look at the next slide➡️: we don’t NEED to celebrate a “physical health awareness” month because we all know that we ALL have physical health.

Call us contrarians or cage shakers, but when we stop treating mental health so differently, and start treating it like IT IS HEALTH like anything else we need to take care of, we’ll have truly started to normalize the conversation.

Every day - not just in May, needs to be a mental health focused day. It applies to all of us. Not “1 in 5” as the stats tell us, but #5in5.

#SameHere🤙 #MentalHealth #ALLofus #universal #normalization #wordsmatter

The event at PNC Park last night is a microcosm of one of the issues we have in society surrounding suicide.

First let me say that we have no idea why this happened. The latest reports I’ve read from those in the stands, are that this man was very intoxicated, poured beer on himself in earlier innings, got excited when his team got a hit, & jumped up to celebrate, causing him to propel over the wall.

Happy to see most big media outlets call it a “fall” and not use a more graphic term.

A fall is possible. So too is that it was a 100% mistake. So too is that it was an attempt. We. Dont. Know.

But because it happened in such a high profile spot - a baseball park - (ironic as we are on our way to present at Citi Field to kids at a Mets day game about Bullying) - we have SO many on social media who think this is: funny, a way to get clicks, a way to talk about suicide flippantly, & in the end - something that prevents future help-seeking (even if this has nothing to do w an attempt).

We have the highest suicide numbers ever in the history of our planet. Last full year recorded (2023): over 50k deaths by suicide in the US alone.

We need conversation & education about how harmful the language you see - in these slides, and all over social media - can be, as we try to turn around these awful numbers.

Hope this man is ok. Thinking about him and his family.

#SameHere🤙 #5in5 #pncpark #pirates #fan #piratesfan #fall #mentalhealth #suicideprevention

Maybe you’re a religious person, maybe not. Maybe you believe in a higher power, maybe not. Regardless of your beliefs, it’s hard not to take notice that most everything in this world helps someone or some thing else. Could be religious design…could be evolution…could be a combo. Whatever you believe…

Bees carry pollen. Algae actually live inside coral. In exchange for a home, the algae nourish the coral w nutrients & energy, allowing the coral to grow its skeleton. Countless examples, but you get the pt.

Pope Francis passed just over a wk ago & as is often the case when someone passes, more of his writings are making their way arnd. It wasn’t an avid follower of the Pope, so I hadnt read much of his work, but now that it’s being shared - his words when he was on this earth, I’m taking note. Simple but profound.

I’ve shared a number of them in Stories - but as a MH advocate, it’s hard not to take notice of his words & think abt them thru that lens.

Why does equine therapy work for so many? Why does wilderness therapy work for so many?

When we’re of service to OTHERS - another life: person, animal, even plant, we begin to heal. We get out of our own heads/trying to fix what’s wrong w us, & we use our “fixing brains” to focus on how we can help others. Maybe that’s by design?

It’s neuroprotective - yes it gets us out of our own “tail chasing”…but it also feels so good & gives us a NATURAL dopamine hit outside of phones & work & compliments.

When I left pro sports (my dream career for many yrs) it felt like my purpose & identity. Then, when I even SNIFFED the feeling that came from helping others (not w their careers alone), but improving their lives, that drug became addictive & something I knew helped me heal…I wanted to do it the rest of my life. I (shockingly to me), didn’t want to go back to sports.

If you’re hitting a plateau in your healing journey, potentially your next step lies in stepping out of your own self care work exclusively, & looking at how you can work to help someone or some thing else.

Starting is simple: share your story!

#SameHere🤙 #5in5 #popefrancis #servicetoothers #servicetohumanity #mentalhealth #helpingishealing #starr

Probably one of (if not the) most frustrating aspects of these healing journeys we are on: the crashes (whether major or minor) that continue to happen, even when we feel like we’ve found the tools & put ourselves into a productive & healthy routine.

As the concept of trauma has been normalized, we have come to understand how MAJOR life events we experienced in the past (& then the consistent distressing thoughts related to those events), have tripped us up. We then go on healing journeys to release & rewire those experiences from our bodies/systems: hence the acronym for STARR - Stress & Trauma Active Release & Rewiring exercises.

But even when we are feeling good, & in a flow state, we can crash (minor or major) & it feels like it comes “out of nowhere.” Here’s a helpful analogy: If you have a major sprain of your ankle, you can rehab it back. It can be very strong. But playing on it repeatedly over time, it doesn’t take a major wrong turn of that ankle for you to sprain it again. Little tweaks over time can lead to another injury bc we had the initial major sprain.

Our nervous system is the same way. It doesn’t take a major T trauma all the time, to throw us off now. It can be little things over time, that accumulate - EVEN when you are doing your STARR work.

So what to we do about it? Trust the process. You don’t do the work so that the crashes dont ever happen. You do the work so that when the crashes to happen - 1) they aren’t as intense, 2) they are less frequent, 3) you accept them, & you bounce back more quickly. We can do this!💪

#SameHere🤙 #5in5 #smallttrauma #traumainformed #starrexercises #mentalhealthroutine #slowbuild

This is a tough topic - especially when the last thing we try to do on this page is separate ppl into sides. Same Here, #5in5: we have more in common than we have differences, especially when it comes to emotional pain - something that is universal.

But as I’ve shared my own story of struggles, I’ve had so many others share back w me.

Recently, there has been so much pain I’ve heard about 1) because someone else was in pain & they made up a narrative about the person I’ve been speaking w, & 2) that person who has made up that narrative has used triangulation (often a term they don’t even realize & aren’t consciously aware of in a strategy sort of way), to hurt the other person to get a 3rd party to “side” w them.

People who have been thru hell & done the work, are often very independent. They can stand on their own two feet. They don’t need the praise of others to know in their hearts, that morally what they are doing is right - in most situations.

Sadly, when they have friends or fam members in their life who have not done that work, things like: comparisons, jealousy, rage, anger, manipulation come into play. And those factors lead to the person who hasn’t done the work, creating a narrative about the person who has. This is done to justify to that hurt person why “they are right.” Bc when you’re hurt & haven’t done the work, feeling right is the only thing that feels like a stable platform to stand on. Especially when comparing oneself next to someone who is confident in themselves.

And what’s worse is, bc it’s hard for them to find that consistently stable platform, they will often triangulate someone else into the narrative - a child in a marriage breaking up, a friend in a long standing group relationship, a colleague at work.

If you’ve done the work, as hard as it is to “accept” - here’s the reality: that narrative & that triangulation won’t stop bc you ask for it to, or plead your case. It only stops when the other person does the work, themselves.

Sometimes walking away & wishing everyone well is the best you can do for YOUR mental health.

#SameHere🤙 #triangulation #Manipulation #hurtpeoplehurtpeople #projection